Strawberry Ice Rules My Life
by Sunfreak
Summary: Arashi thinks of a certain 'dessert' and the guilt that goes with it. Threesome.


A/N: *pouts* Section is still too empty. So, I wrote again! ^_~ This little ficcy is for radishface, who left such a lovely review for my last Parakiss fic and raised a few good points while at it. I like her already. ^__^ Now if only she'd post HER ficcies, we could get a decent backlog here . . . *sighs*  
  
Arashi's POV, speaking to Hiroyuki. Good ol' fashioned yaoi an' het and threesome-ness. *mwahaha*  
  
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"Strawberry Ice Rules My Life"  
  
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Today, Miwako and I kissed on the stairs at school. She was wearing pink lipgloss and smelled like strawberries.  
  
Do you remember how it feels to kiss her? Did you ever even know?  
  
She always smells like strawberries, and she's small and soft and gentle and speaks bluntly about sex. She still doesn't care if she's caught shirtless and doesn't understand the concept of "personal space" in the least. You, of course, wouldn't have room to talk about that. Definitely not right now, close to me as you are. I think it's a carry-over from childhood, when we used to hide in closets and under the bed and tell each other secrets, before privacy and hormones meant anything.  
  
Think of the night we ended our friendship. The night that I was so stupid and you were so shocked.  
  
God, I can't believe that I kissed you.  
  
I can't believe that you kissed back, either. Only for a few seconds: an instinctive response.  
  
And you were nothing like strawberries. You were icy and powerful and, just for a moment, the one in charge. It was disturbing, uncomfortable.  
  
Especially since I wanted more. Especially since I can still remember it so damned clearly.  
  
Why is this happening? Aren't I crazy enough? Don't we have enough problems just worrying about which clingy bastard Miwako wants to be with? Did we really need to throw in another dimension to an already fucked-up love triangle?  
  
This would be a hell of a lot easier if threesomes could be considered healthy, loving relationships.  
  
Oh, and if you were bi. That's an important part.  
  
I love Miwako. She's adorable, beautiful, and she makes me feel alive.  
  
But I love you too. And you are also beautiful, and you make me feel just as alive.  
  
I can't be totally happy without both of you . . . but I can't have both of you either.  
  
Sometimes, I think it would be easier if there were no me. If I went away and didn't come back. Then you could have Miwako, and she could have you, and you could be happy together. Hell, I'll even give you the apartment and the bed and all my memories of sex and her kisses and your kiss, and then I'd never have to think of the two of you again, and you'll never remember that there was a me.  
  
I feel like I'm just an annoyance: like I'm some kind of plot device to keep the Hero (how appropriate a pun) and his True Love apart a little longer and be hated by the audience.  
  
You could be happy, without me. You would've been, if I weren't so damned jealous.  
  
"Miwako and Hiro" sounds so much nicer that "Miwako and Arashi." Your names fall off the tongue easily where mine hisses and spits like a treacherous snake.  
  
You had to have been made for each other, but I can't bring myself to get out of your way. I just think of you both and want you both and somehow screw it all up again, tangling myself up in the red threads that lovers share and praying to every god I know of that you'll see me and somehow think that you love me.  
  
I wish you were together, though. The thought makes my heart ache in strange ways- loneliness, but also . . .  
  
Lust.  
  
Because I want to see you together: I want to see the strawberry and the ice kiss/mix/fuck and hear you both moan and be able to watch you whenever I want to and have you for dessert. To see the two of you making love, to see you in the shower and Miwako sleeping under the sheets and oh God, to be a fly on the wall of your honeymoon suite!  
  
I really wish there were such a thing as "normal"- I'd love to sign up for it. Love to live without always worrying about strawberry ice and what it thinks or what it would do.  
  
I should go home. I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be saying this. Shouldn't be on the verge of tears and vulnerable in front of you, of all people. But I've done it before, and I've needed to do it again so many times.  
  
I miss you.  
  
But don't look at me like that. Don't look like you understand what I'm feeling. Miwako looked at me this way when I told her.  
  
I'm a freak, a mistake, one of God's cruel jokes. There should BE no understanding in your eyes, only disgust, and you should trot off together into the sunset and have a million babies and be happy because there's no me to get in your way anymore.  
  
So please don't look like you understand me. Because if you do, I might do something really stupid like get Strawberry and lock the three of us in a room together come hell or high water until this all makes sense to all of us.  
  
Your eyes are so beautiful, Ice.  
  
Can I use the phone?  
  
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. : a kiss is so much more than a kiss : . 


End file.
